Motivation, Principles

Rich Lessons From David in Diamondonia

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I recently wrote about a tale “David in Diamondonia” I heard when I was a child that still resonates with me years later. There are numerous lessons that can be learned from this simple story.

Here’s a few and then I’ll tell you about the one I thought of now decades later- that’s even more powerful than all of these.

  • Know your goal. While working hard to get were you want you should keep in mind the goal. Often while working we forget the main goals and principles that cause us working so hard. (Martin Wildam)
  • Think ahead. Instead of bringing money he should have brought candles – sell them for expensive and buy diamonds for those. (Martin Wildam)
  • Value is a completely relative thing. It depends on: Who, Where, When (Martin Wildam)
  • Give people what they want, not what you want.
  • Trust but verify. Even the best and brightest aren’t always doing the best thing. They need to have some monitoring.
  • Small gestures (of the right kind) can be worth much e.g. the diamond in his shoe.

But the lesson I recently thought of is that Diamonds (and money) are just our candle. Diamonds don’t do anything- they don’t make people happy, healthy or successful. Think about it- a diamond is just a glittery rock. Similarly dollars are just paper. Diamondonians aren’t stupider than us, we just have different value systems so we chase diamonds instead of candles. Because our world places such a high value on “diamonds”(material objects) we constantly strive for diamonds when we may be missing something more valuable. Certainly money or candles have value and are needed but at the end of the day they are only there to get you to your goal- they aren’t a goal.

Success Machine, system

Building Habits: How a Green Lawn Can Tell You If I’m Running

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The best way to expand habits is to build on an existing habit and make it part of the habit.

Here’s my recent use of this technique: I always forget to water the lawn (and when I remember I sometimes forget to turn it off) as a result the grass in the little patch in front of my house turned brown. On the other hand each morning I go running- it’s a habit that I instilled by having my alarm going on early. So now I just turn on the sprinkler (a hose with a plastic oscillating extension) when I start my run. When I take my son out to wait for the bus an hour later he or I turn it off (it’s either that or walking through a shower- so we’re forced to do it).

What habit are you building?

Getting Fun Done, Motivation, Passion

Getting Fun Done (GFD): Teaching Corporate (er Family) Values

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Released to Public: Apollo 15 on the Moon (NASA)Corporate Values are taught by actions of leadership and stories that are passed down and around the company. Think of the pirate flag that flew over the Macintosh building when the software was being written. Isn’t that a precursor to “Think different“? Same with the “Don’t Be Evil” slogan that google used to inspire it in it’s fight against Microsoft. But how are family values taught? The same way, through stories. Because kids love stories It’s actually easier to teach family values and lessons through stories than teaching corporate values.

Where can you find appropriate stories?

  • Many classic children’s books teach good values. E.g. “The Three Bears” teaches don’t go into stranger’s houses. (Feel free to use “David in Diamondonia” which left a mark for me.)
  • Open your bible and you’ll see stories and lessons abound (any religion will have them). E.g. Abraham’s visit from the three angels and how he treated guests.
  • My personal favorite- make up your own story.

Making up your own story

The main advantage of making up your own story is that it can be tailored to the exact scenario you want. Kids are very forgiving so you can make up your own story it doesn’t have to be perfect. Make it interesting by throwing in facts that your kids can relate to such as the age of the characters being the same as your kids or the place that the story takes place is one that your kids are familiar with.

Reinforcing lessons

After the story ask your kids some questions to lead them to realize what the lesson was. Have them generate more lessons. Ask them what they would have done.

photo credit: pingnews.com

Time Management

Murderer: Stop Killing Time, Terminate Boredom

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killing time
Killing time

Have you ever find yourself bored with nothing to do? I haven’t, not since those long history classes in high school. Being bored should not happen. Use it as an opportunity to have fun, learn or expand your horizons.

1. Reading Time

Idle time can be reading time. You can learn something or at least be entertained by what trouble Britney and the other young starlets are in, instead of killing time.

  • Doctor’s Offices usually have magazines, so it’s easy to find something good to read there.
  • Other waiting areas may not have as good selection of magazines but you should still skim through what they have even if it’s not something you would ordinarily read. It’s your chance to see something different.
  • Take a brochures and read through it. It may give you some insights, for example when you’re at a bank.
  • It’s best if you think in advance and bring your own reading material, this way your guaranteed it’s something you’re interested in.

Fun Time

Put some games on your phone. Carry a Sudoku game. Count people with mismatched clothes. Find other ways to amuse yourself. It’s a good way to have fun during a long day.

Old Friends Time

Pick up the phone and call someone. Scroll through you’re address book and look for names you haven’t spoken to in a while. Call an Aunt or other relative.

New Friends Time

Look around for a friendly face and approach him. You’ll never know who you’ll meet.

Thinking Time

Think about where you want to go in the future. Think about problems you’re currently experiencing.

Serene time

If your walking somewhere take in the sites. Use your brain to just enjoy.

How do you stop boredom?

photo credit: hanna_kim

Time Management

Six Solutions To Social Traffic Jams

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Steven Johnson recently wrote about Social Traffic Jams. This is where you go out for a short predefined task- like picking up the milk from your nearby store but you meet your neighbor and a conversation ensues causing you to be late at your next appointment. This doesn’t just happen in suburban neighborhoods where you are likely to see your neighbors. It happens every day in the halls of every company- a 2 minute bathroom break can turn into a 30 minute discussion on the Mets collapse. It also happens at car pool pickup. At the cleaners. At the gym. Every task can take longer than expected when confronted by a traffic Jam.

The problem isn’t just that you’re late to your next appointment. The problem is that your friend can get offended at the curt conversations and worse you may miss out by not taking the conversation to it’s logical end (so how did he end up saving $40 a month on cable?)

Here’s some tricks I use to avoid social traffic jams:

1. Schedule Gaps

It’s always risky to schedule multiple tasks too close to each other. Like my friend who scheduled his son’s PT appointment right after the first day orientation. He was forced to leave school even though his son was having a fun time. We all do it, trying to be more efficient, but it gets us in trouble. The solution is to put flexible time between appointments. Just have a plan in case you don’t overrun on your first appointment (start the next appointment early? read? eat? take a walk?). My friend could have checked out the park next door to school.

2. Travel Off Peak

For me shopping time isn’t social time. I try going to the store at off hours. The lines are shorter and it’s less likely I’ll get side tracked.

3. Divert the Traffic

Schedule the person for a more convenient time. You might say, “I’m so glad I ran into you but I need to run. Come on over Saturday afternoon- I really want to catch up.”

4. Use Car Pool Lanes

Do your tasks with a friend. Realize it will probably take you longer but commuting time will be more fun and you may learn something (there’s such a thing as microwave ready frozen pancakes in 20 seconds?!?). Plus when you’re with a friend you have an easier “out” from the next jam, “I’m here with my friend Joe, I don’t want to hold him up. Let’s catch up on…”

5. Check the Traffic Report

Before you head out, check the time. See if the timing is bad. Is that when the school bus comes so you’ll see your neighbor outside? Is it when coworkers are coming back from lunch? Push off your task a few minutes and avoid needing to give excuses or be unfriendly. I’m not suggesting you become anti-social, just that you have your social contacts when you’re not going to need to cut it short.

6. Respect Time

Always try to be on time. This way if you tell people you need too go, they understand. They know that you’ll be on time when meeting with them.

What’s your Taffic Jam Solution?

Motivation, Principles

Are We Collecting Candles or Diamonds?

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When I was around 10 years old I heard a parable that made such an impression on me that I never forgot it. The story had an important lesson that is just as important today as an adult- maybe more so.

David in Diamondonia

Once upon a time deep in the mountains of Russia a small community was in trouble. The harvest was weaker than the normal tiny output and there wasn’t much optimism for the future. There was little food, the houses were falling apart and many were residents were sick. The elders in the town got together and discussed their dim situation. They went through their options but there were none. They had tried all options in previous years and each year was just getting worse. There weren’t any good new ideas that the elders could came up with. Finally an old man spoke up and told of a far away land called Diamondonia. It was always dark in Diamondonia but it had diamonds for sale so cheaply that they were almost treated like rocks. The road to get to that land was long and dangerous. After much debate the elders of the town decided that this was their only hope. They decided to send a messenger to the far off land.

For a mission this important they needed to pick their smartest and ablest citizen a man named David.  They collected as much money as they could and sent him off with for his treacherous journey.

David traveled for months over mountains through the coldest cold he’d ever felt and across deserts with the hottest hot. There were many times he wanted to give up but he thought back of his town and continued on. Finally after almost a year of travels he was getting close to Diamondonia the sun was disappearing and it was getting darker. It was so dark that he could barely see.

Finally he came to a peddler selling candles. He asked about Diamondonia and got directions to the town- just one month away. He was excited. But the peddler warned him “You’ll need to buy many candles to make it to there and this is the last place you’ll be able to get it so cheap.” The candles were quite expensive, it cost five times more than it did in his town. He was wise and surmised that this peddler was honest. He needed the candles to keep going so he bought a bunch with almost all his remaining money.

Finally after one month of traveling he came to Diamondonia. There was a large commotion in the nearby market and he quickly ran there to buy diamonds. To his surprise the merchants weren’t selling diamonds- they were selling candles. There were all kinds of candles in all kinds of colors giving off all kinds of beautiful lights. Some candles even danced, others illuminated large areas and still others gave the most beautiful combination of colors he’d ever seen. Then there were even candles that acted as fireworks, fireworks like he’d never seen. There were more candles there than he’d ever seen in his life.

He asked about purchasing diamonds. The merchants looked down on him. “Why do you need that?!?” one merchant replied. “Can’t you see it’s dark in this town. Diamonds wont give you any light.”

Finally he was referred down an alley to a dimly lit shop. In there he saw all kinds of diamonds small ones for a few rubles. Large ones for 50 rubles. Even the smallest diamond would be worth a lot  back home. Unfortunately at this point he’d used up almost all his money on getting to Diamononia and he still needed to get back.

He purchased two small ones and told the diamond dealer “I’ll be back with more money” and he started to walk out.

The diamond dealer just smiled and said “they never come back”.

He planned on spending the next few days working hard and earning money. There was no place to get light, so to do anything at all he needed candles. But candles were very expensive. Even cheap ones could cost hundreds of rubles. He bartered his efforts for money. He sought out bargains and learned to negotate well. He was able to purchasing many candles and even got a few beautiful ones at very reasonable prices. He had an eye for bargains. In his work he befriended some of the richest people in town who showed him their candle collections. One showed him the most beautiful light he’d ever seen- the cinderella. He vowed to himself that he’d work very hard so he could one day purchase a cinderella. He was sure that the people of his town would be similarly amazed by this most beautiful light.

He worked hard everyday motivated by buying that beautiful light so his town can share its majesty. His little town can be the only one in the region with a cinderella. Finally after two years of hard work he was able to purchase that cinderella. He was the envy of his friends in Diamondonia. He realized that although he enjoyed his time in Diamondonia it was time to head back to his own town. He packed up his bags and gingerly put in his candle collection. He’d amassed a small collection and he stuffed every last piece in his bags. His bags that came bare were leaving full. He was proud of his accomplishments.

It took another year to arrive back home and although the cold seemed colder than he remembered and the heat was hotter than he remembered, the road back seemed to go a little quicker. He couldn’t wait to tell the elders how hard he’d worked and show them how successful he was.

Finally one cold winter day he came walking up the snow covered path to town. Word quickly spread that he’d arrived and the entire town was out to greet him. The children were screaming his name, their parents were singing and even the old people of the town came out on their canes, happy that the mission was successful. After a four year journey he was getting a warm welcome. Although the people were a little older and the town was a little more warm, the welcome was more warn than he could have imagined.

Finally he went in the town hall and opened the contents of his backpack and showed the town his collection of candles. The elders were confused.

“Are these candles made of diamonds?” they asked.

“Of course not,” he laughed. “They are worth more than diamonds.”

He then pulled out the cinderella. Everyone agreed it was the most beautiful candle they had ever seen. But the whole town, even the children, also agreed that David was the most foolish person they’d ever seen.

“You can’t sell a candle for more than a diamond in Russia. Even one as beautiful as the cinderella.” they said.

Just then David looked around the town hall and realized his folly. He feverishly searched through his bag  and found the two small diamonds he bought on the first day in Diamononia. He also had a few others he’d picked up around town as souvenirs. He even remembered about one in the heal of his shoe to make his shoe fit better.

The town was happy again. The diamonds were enough to get them through a few winters.

But David was sad- he realized his backpack could have been filled with diamonds.

The Moral

Any story you hear when you’re 10 has a moral. The moral I was told was that we are in this world but a short time we shouldn’t be sucked in by the bright lights of this world but we should be collecting diamonds through kindness and good deeds.

As a 10 year old I remember being struck by how stupid David was. The message made it’s point.

More Morals

As I look back there are many more lessons to get from this story. Some of which I see more clearly today. I’ll talk about those another time.

What lessons did you learn from this story?

Invest

Getting Fun Done (GFD): The Simple Secret To Winning Your Kids (or Anyone Else) Over

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The other day someone was telling me they weren’t getting through to their kids. It is difficult sometimes to get through, but other times I feel it’s so easy. For the easy times I boiled it down to a simple technique to connect with my young kids- and it’s worked wonders for me: Give clear undivided attention.

Get rid of their distractions

Kids are easily distracted. Get rid of anything that will take away attention. Take them out of the distracted mindset. Don’t try to engage them when they are “in middle of a show”- wait till a stopping point (give advanced warning is best) and then begin talking.

Isolate

If you have multiple children. Make it special time with just one child. They wont be competing for attention and they wont get jealous. It puts them in a good frame of mind. Especially if you do something they enjoy.

Get rid of your distractions

Often times your child is ready to connect with you but you’re too busy washing dishes, tidying up or even just thinking about work. Use your time with your child wisely- don’t waste it on other tasks. Multitasking doesn’t work.

Relax

Don’t worry about teaching or forcing your kid to have fun- there will be opportunity for that. Just go with the flow.

Don’t Just Talk, Listen

Ask open ended questions. Let your child talk. Pause, let your child continue their thoughts. Don’t just ask questions, you don’t want to be a detective. Share some of your interesting thoughts and challenges from your day to get the conversation started.

Bonus: The Best Time To Connect

Often times the best time to connect with your child is time you already have together. Two big opportunities are car time and bed time. In the car there aren’t many distractions. At bed time there aren’t many distractions plus your child may view talking to you as a good way of not going to sleep early.

The truth is that clear undivided attention will work on adults too. We know that focus or getting in the zone gets everything done better and faster. Don’t multitask- pay attention.

Getting Fun Done, Goal, GTD, Invest

Getting Fun Done(GFD): The Art of Stress Free Fun (and Productivity) For Kids

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The internet is loaded with content on how you can be more productive and get more  done. David Allen’s Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity has become a virtual bible on how to achieving more in this crazy world. But if you try these techniques with your kids you’ll only end up pulling your hair out. There’s no such thing as being efficient or “processing” inboxes with kids.

Kids just want to know “when can we have fun”. I’m inaugurating a weekly series where I attempt to take the productivity tips us adults are using to achieve more and translating it to a fun, easy to use, more fun system to help kids succeed. I hope that this will in turn simplify adoption of productivity techniques that can help us all have more fun and maybe put our kids at a productive advantage in this crazy world we live in. With luck even adults who aren’t into all the fancy concepts that we productivity aficionados take for granted will be able to take something out of it.

Upcoming Articles include:

PS It’s only appropriate that I’m publishing this on my father’s birthday- who fights the world’s stresses and doesn’t let it stress me. Happy Birthday Tatty!